Wave: A Memoir

“Wave” is an enticing yet heartbreaking memoir about Sonali Deraniyagala's loss of her family and the aftermath she faced afterwards. Her strength enabled her to drive herself forward in her life. The memoir starts off with Sonali describing the families seemingly normal boxing day but then quickly turns around. The memoir then goes from the present to the past; as the memoir goes on, Sonali remembers more and more of her children and her husband. Sonali Deraniyagala was born in 1964 to a more wealthy family in Colombo, Sri Lanka. She had lived there all of her life up until she was ready to go to college, it was then that she made a decision that would change her life forever. In 1986, Sonali moved to north London and while studying Economics at the University of Cambridge, she met her husband Steve who happened to be studying Economics as well. After finishing school, her husband had opted to become a school teacher for some time. This lead the pair to take multiple mission trips back to Sonali’s home country to help educate the local youth. Sonali and Steve wed in the year of 1988 and decided to stay in London both to continue their educations at school and also to settle down and start a family. The couple’s relationship was filled with nothing but love, Sonali recounts their favorite restaurant and the many great memories they shared there before and after the birth of their two sons. They were both adventurous and not shy of anything, always willing to new things and were always open to new ideas.They welcomed their first son Vikhram otherwise known as “Vik” in 1998 and then their second son Nikhil (“Malli”) in 2000. Each year the family traveled to Sonali’s home country of Sri Lanka for their annual Christmas celebrations. They would stay Yala, a coastal area that attracts many tourists for a couple days through Christmas, and then drive two hours to her parents house in Colombo. They did this so that they could enjoy their christmas as a family and then also be around even more family for even more celebrations.The year of 2004 was meant to be no different. “ Oh my god the sea’s coming in!” ( Deraniyagala, 2). The family had been enjoying their boxing day on the beach in colombo, Sonali’s husband was in the shower,her kids played in the sand on the back patio, and Sonali was talking to a family friend Orlantha. It was Orlantha who had noticed the unusual high tide of the sea. Fearing the worst, Sonali grabbed and yelled for her family to start yelling; they were able to make it outside to a nearby jeep and they all piled in. A couple seconds into the drive though, they were only halfway down the driveway of the hotel when the jeep had started to fill with water. The family had no idea what was to come next but it devastated them forever. One of the main recurring themes throughout her memoir is grief and how one’s family is never truly gone because their memory still lives on in you. This proved to be especially hard for Sonali when she lost her two boys, husband, and both of her parents to a monsoon on Boxing Day in 2004. “ For six years I’ve pushed them and their death to the fringes of my heart.” (Deraniyagala, 162). The memoir recalls the day of the wave, its aftermath and then switches between the present and the past before the wave. At first, Sonali states that she was “ Afraid to remember, afraid of the memories” and felt the memories brought her great pain and suffering. Throughout the memoir this somewhat changes, as she is invited to recall those memories and is not as afraid as she once was. The loss of one family member is extremely devastating, but to lose your entire family is beyond comprehensible. Throughout her memoir, Sonali expresses her deep sorrows and thoughts “ Now I don’t have them, I only have terror, I am alone” ( Deraniyagala, 42) Her thoughts alone invoke her readers to feel what she has and still does feel to this day; her writing makes the reader think consciously about their own life and to be thankful for their own family. Sonali doesn't use big words or intelligent phrases, but instead focuses on the rawness of her emotions and tells it how it is. Some authors use fancy similes or flowering adjectives to “fluff” up their writing, but with Sonali, there is no beating around the bush. “Wave” is a memoir that makes one sit back and reflect on their own lives and choices, and leads them to be thankful for what they have, most importantly their family. Family is another recurring theme throughout the memoir. It discusses how family is the most important thing in one’s life. Your family are your number one supporters; your biggest fans. They will always be there for you no matter the circumstance and you know they will have your back. They know you the best and know what to do on your bad days and on your good days. Family is family and they protect each other no matter what. How do you cope with the loss of your family? Is there really any way to do this? These questions and more are answered in Sonali’s memoir. You never really truly “get over” what you went through. You simply try and push their memories to the back of your mind and try to forget because the thought of remembering them is terrifying. Overall I was very impressed with the memoir. The way Sonali writes about how she was feeling really makes the reader sit back and think about their own life and how they care for their own family. It makes the reader feel Sonali’s own emotions. Only a strong woman like her can manage to get through what she went through.

This is both an easy read and a very tough one. I found it quick and seamless to actually read, but the pain - and its naked brutality at times - could be hard to take. Still, the writing is beautiful in its simplicity, and the way the author is able to recreate her sons and family, and finally get close to them in memory as she heals, is heartwarming and inspiring. Criticism of this book seems to focus on roughly three areas: that the author is unlikable, that there isn't enough about the tsunami and other peoples' stories, and that the book goes on too long with too much woe. All I want to say is: what do people expect? Yes, at the start some of her responses are shocking. She is furious at survivors, angry with one boy she says survived only because he was fat, angry at people trying to help her. Well, she was in SHOCK. None of us who have survived a disaster like her can understand how we'd respond. I've never been in a tsunami - thank god - but I have experienced strong earthquakes, and the way your body and mind respond can be completely outside your control. Plus she'd seen a look of terror on her husband's face and had her son practically torn from her arms. She was in pain, both physical and psychological. While uncomfortable to see, her fury is not uncomprehensible. The fact that she didn't warn her parents bothers many people. Yes, it's an uncomfortable fact. But I'd bet that she and her husband were in an almost animal survival mode by then. Besides, they had two small children to care for; they may have thought that her parents, being adult, could take care of themselves. And clearly the fact that they didn't do this haunts Sonali herself. Her pain and anger, the harassment of the family in her parents' house, are all uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable because it's real. We'd like to know that somebody who suffers a loss like this won't suffer for too long - it means that when we, too, suffer losses, they won't hurt. But some pain doesn't heal, ever. It would be nice to think that she'd reach out to others in her situation, but not everybody responds like that. This is also a book about one woman and one family, not about the tsunami as a whole. The people who criticise this book for not paying enough attention to the tsunami probably came hoping for lots of gory details about the tsunami itself, not one woman's attempt to rebuild her life. It's like watching a fire - sort of a vicarious thrill. Human pain is harder to take. I thought this book was beautifully written. The slow crawl from the agony to her embracing the memories of her family, and the pictures she painted of her wonderful little boys, are sweet and vivid. Ultimately, this book IS hopeful. It's not an easy, storybook kind of hope - no remarriage, no new family - but Sonali comes back to life again, and it's good to see.

So well written. Totally worth buying

what a great book, hard story but really liked the book

Wave is a tangible chronicle depicting seven years of immeasurable grief, painstakingly heartbreaking yet unfathomable courageous. NL: Vloedgolf, Sonali Deraniyagala

In the first chapter, I wasn't sure if I could keep reading. The devastating loss was so horrible, yet I had to know how she could pull herself together and write this book. This book was well written. It's clear this is an educated woman who wrote with great detail about her family's life together before and after the Tsunami. I couldn't put this book down. There was such great detail to her surroundings, I felt I was there. I can't believe how well Sonali remembered every detail of her life from a child to an adult. She clearly has a photographic memory, but more so, her heart kept her locked in every memory of her family.

Perfecto